Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
Believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of.
noun. confidence – faith – credit – reliance – belief
verb. believe – confide – rely – credit – hope – entrust

How many foundations have been built

That came tumbling down

So many scales have gone on tilt

Emptying the sands of time to the ground

Faith and reliance two different things

When one brings hope the other is dependent

Credit and belief

One is status, the other has no defendant

Rely on someone and then hold firm

Still the evidence has been made clear

So fucking tired of the need to squirm

While I wait at home for partnership to be near

Foundations formed then burned down twice

Am I really rebuilding the same floorplan

Shut out everyone’s advice

Am I just weak to this one hand

Forgiveness in so many forms

Still the damages have all been done

I would be a lunatic to conform

To waiting at home for each excuse to tie one on

Is this a life of unequal compromise

And to which degree does that balance out

Am I always the one waiting with open eyes

While responsibility keeps me caged as I shout

There is no one way to live

Keeping up these fists has me exhausted

Manifest the positivity I choose to give

Is my loyalty opening me to be accosted

How many times can a person be ditched

And still hold a fantasy of love dear to their heart

Is there that optimistic what if

When it really isn’t a new start

Ongoing through the desperate pain

Because none of it ever really ended

Will these doubts always remain

Close all the doors to the defended

When will I finally feel like it is trust

Instead of being lured and wooed once or twice

Will it ever be enough

When I know how easily others are enticed

Why the fuck am I such a loyal person

When I have never been shown the same

Will this situation worsen

If asking for what I need creates disdain

What if it all works out just right

And I finally get to rest my head

What I wouldn’t give to sleep at night

Sure does help when I’m not alone in bed

Create the vision of what I need

And here I go to fully pursue it

My needs are simple and without greed

Perhaps I am not meant for this 2013 shit

Media blaring in everyone’s face

How they should be wasted and fucking around

Everything goes and there is no disgrace

Those who are flashiest get to wear a crown

Then if someone speaks out to hold their own

They are titled insecure

Even if their honesty is shown

They are considered uncool and so obscure

My intuition is clouded by the wounds of my heart

All of my energy going to repair the breaks

Feels like my mind and soul have grown apart

From those who give to get some then only take

I am not changing who I am

Hoping trust for anyone is still a possibility

There are concepts but no real plan

Since when did the truth ever set me free

Locked in this cage of what I know

Am I simply turning the other way

Is there a limit to what I show

Because the silence has more to say

There is no doubt that I hold space

For the possibility of some kind of God

Still the journey on this revolving place

Has so many lessons it is getting odd

If we are here to learn so many things

Then why is most of it hard and sad

My only solace is my beautiful wings

Fly to where things aren’t so bad

With so much good the doubt feels small

Still it lingers in my subconscious

These fucking dreams could ruin it all

If I don’t get to the bottom of all this

Keep being ditched and left in the dust

Then see how it makes you feel

When independence is not bragging, but a must

You will understand that pain is so real

How much more can I learn about loneliness

When it has defined me since I was little

Started out because of my homeliness

Then grew worse with sex’s riddle

Always hoped each connection was genuine

Then got torn down piece by piece

Finally reached the bottom cuz I couldn’t win

Let my whole soul experience release

Disconnected I floated to another place

Another person could never imagine

Each dream is unique in its own space

My mind has places no one else could fathom

I finally chose to reconnect

Me to me and experience some of the reality society claims

Makes it so hard to understand respect

When people treat each other with inconsideration and disdain

Hard thing is that I see the good so clearly

My heart longs to spread it and let it grow wild

So daily I do things to love people dearly

And I quiet my inner child

That voice that says get away from all these people here

Who want to hurt each other and need to prove their status

Go find your space alone and let your heart steer

Rise above this programming that’s left so many in stratus

Change your body it’s not enough

Make yourself look like the pictures in magazines

Forget commitment and all that stuff

This is the modern world, a brand new scene

Go ahead and do whatever makes you feel good

Even if it is just for the pleasure of one moment

You know you are not owned, you know you should

Cuz your instant gratification is the key component

Good God, please tell me you do exist

Because this way of the world sure is daunting

Is there something I have missed

Because being alone on this path is fucking haunting

Please let it be true someone truly cares to join me

As this little person and I continue on

Doing everything to the best of our ability

Has he come back after never really being gone

Will there be a moment that trust finally feels genuine

And I get to move forward with my life

What is it that everyone is so eager to win

Affections of as many people possible, what about a wife

I pray I get to sleep tonight and actually rest

With dreams of the what if it all works out

I know every day I do my very best

So please pull all these weeds of doubt

Help me find the little girl that once believed

Cuz I miss her so very much

She used to believe that dream could be conceived

And had faith without needing to feel the touch

I pray I get to hold on to my true morals

And live the life I know I deserve

Swimming amongst the seas bright corals

A fine dinner the only thing on reserve

Being cherished along the entire way

Never being quit on

Mutual respect shedding light on each day

Walking down an aisle to my legit song

I pray my dreams are peaceful and with purpose

These nightmares are tearing me apart

Dear God if you are up there please give me back my circus

That little girl who gets a bullseye with every dart

Please tell my mind what it needs to live in the now

Please quiet the demons of past experience

Please let me sleep and dream of good somehow

Please fill the dark spaces with light’s indigo brilliance

light at end of tunnel×1600



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